I didn’t sleep at all last night. I lay in bed thinking about going off the MTX starting next week. I tried visualization, positive thinking, envisioning good health forever after. I am terrified. I know I need to think positive.
I was nervous about seeing this new doctor, Dr C. due to a very bad number of stars on “Rate Your MD” and “Health Grades” . He only gets 2 1/2 stars and I wanted to believe that he was a good MD. He was a referral from my friend’s mother. She she’s him for R/A.
I have to say, truthfully, that he is heartless. It was not right for me to keep ruminating about all of the things he said to me in his office all night long. But, I could not stop thinking about stupid things he said.
Here are some of things he said to me, one of which I should have stood and walked out of his office.
1) Maybe you don’t really have stills at all. Maybe its another disease that doesn’t have a name. (What the hell?!”)
2) You need to go into a flare before I will follow you. I need to see the flare for myself.
3) You did diagnose yourself, so maybe you diagnosed the wrong disease and maybe your other Rheumatologist just went along with you” (WHAT THE F*&K!!!!!!!!)
4) Well, you are that age where women your age get “symptoms”, you know, like chills, and a rash” ( so all 49 year old women get chills, teeth chattering and a rash???, Well, maybe he’s at the male age where they lose their brain)
5) Since you always flare at 6 weeks, I will see you in 7 or 8 weeks (yeah, whats a couple of weeks of suffering before he sees me again. I will never go back to him)
6) Well, I will have you know that I have had 2 patients in 22 years with Stills, I know Stills, and both were children” (Adults with stills is SO different than when a child has it!)
7) I’m reviewing your labs right now, and it appears that they are perfect, that makes me feel that you don’t have stills. (well of course I’m doing well, Im on medication, you idiot)
8) I know Stills very well, and it’s a “situation” not an ongoing diease, nobody ever continues to flare, it always goes away and never returns, you out-grow it”

He does not realize that when I flare, it’s not just flare a weekend. It’s months of getting back to where I was before the flare. However, I do think to myself, that maybe, this time will be the time I can get off of this crappy medication. I would love to never take it again. Instead of stopping cold turkey. I will taper down by 1/4 pill a week. I will not just stop all pills on monday. I will continue to seek a new Rheumatologist. I will not stop until I find a compassionate one.
Well, that’s enough ruminating about this jerk of a doctor. I think I will go add my say on Health Grades & Rate Your Doctor. I give him -1 star. Maybe I can prevent another person from having to endure this heartless creature.
Stay well my friends.

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