I hate what these steroids are doing to my face 😦 My face is so round and my cheeks look so fat and pudgy. But really, I am grateful that I am no longer feeling ill and that I am alive. Although, I did have a minor setback on Saturday when I ran around looking at property with my parents and the realtor. At the end of the day, I was so tired, so exhausted. I lay down on the bed for 20 minutes before we left for dinner. I fell asleep extremely fast. I did not feel well. In fact, I felt horrible. I threw up after dinner twice and went to sleep for 12 hours. Strange how stress effects me. Even if it’s good stress, it still wears me out.
My poor quadriceps are in bad shape. I know that steroids are a weird medication. But the muscle wasting is terrible. I imagine that most of the muscle loss is due to so many months (Sept 2nd 2008 – January 2009) of no exercise and being ill. My leg muscles have atrophied. No help from the steroids. I know, that they are parabolic, not anabolic steroids. If they were anabolic, I would look like a pro-wrestler, but,instead, I look like a chipmunk with no muscles 😦 It is still better than being sick or in the hospital!! I know people look at me strange or in question. I even had a very mean comment from a neighbor. She was rude to me. She looked at me and said, “OH My gosh!! Look at your cheeks! What happened?? They look so FAT!!” I just stared at her and said I have been really ill and almost died and the steroids are making me retain fluid in my face, luckily not in my body.
Even after I told her this, she stared at me and said, “Wow, you look so different, you look really bad” . Then she made a puffed up face gesture, holding her breath as she held her lips tightly shut. I didn’t know what else to say to her. I just shrugged my shoulders, and I said, “I know, but it is temporary, until April”.
She hurt my felings. Remembering her comments that evening, I looked in the mirror and cried alone later that night. I know I look bad. I can’t help it. It’ s better than being dead though.
I acquired AOSD in 2008. I have suffered so terribly and have found ways to help me regain my life. This my personal journal of this mystery illness to diagnosis. I hope that I can help others with my experience and information.