I went for a check up today. To see how the steroids are doing. They are doing great, except for the sleeplessness. Finally, finally I am getting a little appetite back, althoug I am still eating only a handful of food a day. For instance, breakfast is one slice of a pear and a cup of peppermint tea, lunch is 1 scambled egg and a tortilla, dinner a 1/2 cup of rice and 2 bites of chicken. I need to eat more, but in time I will.
I understand that the CT scan is showing a bunch of lymph nodes in my lung area. This is scary. After Dr. Howard told me that these could be a sign of cancer or worse, I imagined, now what? Geez, I have barely made it out of the woods and now more bad news?? He called from his cell phone in the office, an oncologist near-by. I listened to him explain that I need to be seen very soon, asap. He hung up the phone and said, “o.k., you have an appointment in 2 days” .
This can make a patient feel like this is serious when a physician calls another doctor right in front of you and says, the words ASAP.
I left the office. I walked to my car. I felt strong. I reasoned with my self, in my normal person’s head, that this can not be that bad. I got in my car. I turned on the ignition, and then I started to cry very hard. What in the world?? I imagined I had lung cancer, I imagined I had some other systemic disease now. I cried for 5 minutes very hard. But then a certain peacefulness came over me. I stopped crying and I felt that the universe would NOT let me get 2 diseases at the same time. That would go against the laws of nature. I mean, I have just suffered 24 hours a day for 3 months and now I’m being told I may have another disease on top of this?? NO WAY.
All of a sudden, I felt at ease. I have faith. I have a strong center of faith that has always proved to be effective in times of stress. I also have a positive knowing that good prevails. I am on my way to recovery, not doom and gloom.